the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I party with great urgency now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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