3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So. Much. Porn.
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