ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
