Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
