She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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