I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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