I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
