Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i love accidental penises.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
