Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
