My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
