Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
