God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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