I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
