There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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