I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
