she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
