You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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