Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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