Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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