the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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