I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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