I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
