Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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