when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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