My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
