you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
