dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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