just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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