i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
