Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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