There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
