I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
