Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
