I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
