i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
