dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
