8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
