those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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