i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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