I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
