the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
