i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize