I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
