You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
