It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize