im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
