Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
