hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
