I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
