I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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