I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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