we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize