Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
