my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
