He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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