dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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