i just google imaged poop.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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