the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
