dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
