I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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