Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
