im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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