$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
