Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
