dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
