Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
