ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize