she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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