It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
