I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i don't like sucking hair
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
