My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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