what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
