I cannot find my penis.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
