3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think my vagina is haunted
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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