people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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