Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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