When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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