If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
