the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
