Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize