Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
