If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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