Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's never too late to be topless.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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