remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
