I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
