Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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