hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
