does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
