We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My balls are so social today.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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