I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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