I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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