Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
