I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
