Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
