Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
40s are totally the cure
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
