She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He did a backflip because drugs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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